I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
