I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
