what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
