you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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