I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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