Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
being pregnant is like rehab
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
