Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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