Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
