I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Randomize
