Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
