I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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