I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
