im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
