your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
