I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
