Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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