Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
