she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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