can we get nightvision for the apartment?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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