Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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