we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
