she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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