I heard we made out
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
