she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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