i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
