Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
