yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
