if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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