Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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