he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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