We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
