Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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