I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
