I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
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