Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
