Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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