Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I forget how to act sober
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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