I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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