Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
