What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
