So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
