but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
