Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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