Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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