dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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