Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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