at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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