she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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