so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
