I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
