ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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