explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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