people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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