Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
