I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
