If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
